After the reaction to BOPO month, I realised there was so much more I could do to help people love their bodies and feel body confident. I had a think about what I could do next and that’s when I came up with the series ‘Fat Girl Fears‘.
As someone who is plus size, there are plenty of things I have never done because I was afraid my weight will stop me or I will be embarrassed. And I’m sure lots of people can relate to this! There are just certain things fat people are afraid to do because they fear that people will laugh and stare at them. However, I want to combat these fears and stop them holding me back. I should be able to live my life and do the things straight-size people do without feeling self-conscious.
Therefore, my first challenge as part of the Fat Girl Fears series was getting a massage. This is something I have always been afraid to do because it involves getting naked and having someone touch your body.
Before Friday 2nd August, I had never had a massage before. It’s not that I hadn’t thought about it before. My mum loves a spa day and she was desperate for us to go on one together. However, I have always hated the idea of getting a massage done because getting naked in front of a total stranger and having them touch you makes me uncomfortable. But it’s something I have wanted to try because who doesn’t want to feel relaxed?!
I was extremely nervous heading into the salon where I had booked my massage. Despite the calming atmosphere they had provided (you know the typical spa music and fake lit candles), I could feel myself on the verge of a panic attack – oh the irony! However, before I could run out of the room and have a breakdown, my masseuse emerged from the tiny massage room and called me in. At this point, there wasn’t much I could do and so I followed her into the room.
I quickly told her this was my first massage ever and she looked at me with concern. At that moment, I was like: Fuck! I’ve made a mistake. Apparently, booking a deep tissue massage for your first massage isn’t a great idea, but how was I supposed to know that? I was getting a 30 minute back, neck and shoulders massage thinking that it would ease me in gently. Anyway, we carried on with the treatment. She told me to take off my top and bra then lay down on the table once she stepped out the room. This was the moment I was dreading. It was like ripping off a plaster; I just had to get it over and done with. So I undid my bra and left my top on the little chair they have in the corner and quickly laid myself onto the table. I was worried the masseuse might walk in and see me struggling to cover myself in the towels provided. I don’t know why it is so difficult to cover yourself when lying on your front! The towel just never seems to lie properly. Finally, she came back into the room and we began with the massage.
She allowed me to choose the oil I wanted her to use, which was a nice touch. It helped me relax and forget about the fact that I was currently half-naked lying on a table covered only by towels. Once I had found the one I liked, she started pressing into my back using the warm oil. The actual massage was fine. As a plus size person, I thought I would be really conscious about someone touching my body. However, I soon forgot about the fact I was half-naked and relaxed into the massage. I even allowed myself to close my eyes and just forgetting about my worries. The only thing that did make me aware of the fact that someone was rubbing my body was when it started to jiggle and wiggle about on the table. I felt like one of those little blobs in a lava lamp. Rather than feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable, it actually made me laugh quietly to myself!
The massage went surprisingly quick! I was shocked when she stepped away from me and said “All done!” In fact, I could have probably done with another hour but it was a good introduction to massages. As I said to masseuse, I loved the massage experience and it felt really good to just space out and forget about everything. My insecurities didn’t really have much of a play in how the massage went.
I would recommend to everyone try out a massage at least once, just so you can experience it. Even if you just book a back massage like I did (maybe not a deep tissue lol), I can assure you that you will forget about your body. I imagine massages can be quite good for mindfulness and relaxation so if you’re feeling stressed or anxious, this could help. The only problem is the cost. I would see this as a luxury treat every once in a while at a push because £30 for a short massage is quite an expense.
What challenge would you like to see me do next? Let me know in the comments below!