I am not a fetish.

Instagram has taught me many things in the years I have used the platform. And one of the lessons I have learnt is that I hate men! Particularly men who treat me as a fetish.

You would not believe the number of messages I receive on a daily basis from men telling me how much they like my fat legs or jiggly stomach – often accompanied with unsolicited dick pics, which no, I don’t enjoy. I also get comments on my photos telling me how they love my “voluptuous body” with an array of emojis (most of which involve the aubergine and droplets.) And what’s annoying is this is something as a plus size woman I just have to deal with!

I am not a BBW pornstar nor is my Instagram meant to attract male attention. I used to post bikini and underwear pictures as a sign of liberation from the ideals of beauty. But now, I avoid uploading anything like that to avoid any attention from men online. However, despite making changes to my content to stop this attention, I cannot run from it. My latest Instagram was simply just a picture of me wearing a dress I really loved and it was bombarded with creepy men. Clearly I cannot show any ounce of skin if I want to put these creeps at bay.

For me, I am just trying to share the outfits I wear and my journey to love my body to women! Then these “fat admirers” come along thinking I enjoy what they say about my body. I don’t take compliments in being an object to be desired. I don’t enjoy waking up to fifty DM requests – most of them being pictures of dicks that I didn’t ask for. I think they forget I am human just like them and I deserve to be treated as so. Would they walk up to a stranger and just flop their dick out at the sight of their chubby arms? No. Or at least, I hope not. So why is it any different on the Internet?!

And this is part of the reason why dating can be so hard for plus size women. Not only has being attracted to fat women been seen as a negative for so long, but we’re also a fetish. Go figure! It’s like men are attracted to us in secret but are afraid to admit it out loud. As if doing so, would get them killed – or worse, ridiculed by their friends!

As I entered the dating world two years ago, the word “Chubby Chaser” filled me with dread. I didn’t want to date someone who just wanted to be with me because I was fat. I am much more than just my size! And I wanted someone to see that. Thankfully, no one on Tinder ever made me feel like they wanted to go out with me because I was fat. However, it was alway in the back of my mind. Even with my current partner, there was still that niggling in the back of my mind. However, it soon became clear that he wasn’t attracted to me just because of my size. There were plenty of other things he loved about me.

Simply, fat women don’t want to be objectified. We aren’t someone’s dirty secret and we don’t want to be hidden. We are beautiful on the inside and out – and we all deserve someone who can see that!

Oh, and a side note: Just because you date curvy women, it doesn’t make you some kind of hero! Your attraction to fat women doesn’t make you a better person than anyone else. There is literally nothing life-changing about you finding someone attractive.

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