Reduced physical closeness can be one of the most upsetting consequences of long-term intimate relationships. Marriages have their ups and downs. The dimming fire of romance may usually be reignited unless you have reason to question, “Is my husband gay?” In a situation like this, you should investigate more to find out why you first had that persistent suspicion.
After all, stress, an affair, disagreement, or medical or mental problems may be the real cause of the lack of romance or physical intimacy in a marriage, rather than a partner’s (hidden) sexual preference.
You might want to look into some of the most obvious indicators that your spouse is a homosexual man living in the closet, though, if you are positive that nothing else is going on and there is something “off” that you can’t quite place.
We’ve listed some of the most typical symptoms below, but even if you can connect to more than half of the possible scenarios mentioned here, proceed with caution and, if necessary, seek expert advice to determine the best course of action.
1. A lack of desire for physical intimacy
The first indication that your husband is not physically interested in you is probably his indifference to physical contact. There may be several reasons for this, but it’s reasonable to ask if it has anything to do with his sexual preferences. He might not want to start dates or take the lead when engaging in intimate activities. He might not be able to give the foreplay in such a situation justice, nor will he be able to keep you feeling loved and respected the entire time. You might find your gay husband to be charming, kind, and passionate, but lacking in passion when it comes to physical closeness.
2. Secretiveness About Previous Relationships
For gay husbands, addressing past relationships can be difficult as they may want to hide parts of themselves out of fear, insecurity, or embarrassment. Hence, they may not open up about their past relationships. He may alternatively use gender-neutral pronouns or refer to their ex-partners as “somebody and someone” rather than using gender-specific pronouns like he/him etc. when talking about them briefly if asked. Thus, a partner avoiding small talk about his previous relationships without giving away too many details is a suggestive sign that your spouse has something to hide about his sexual or emotional encounters in the past.
3. Overly Expressing Envy Towards Homophobic Pairs
Contrary to popular belief, men who are secretive about their sexual orientation are often annoyed by other homosexual couples in their social circles. Just as those who are mindful of their diet often find it annoying when friends are particular and discriminating when it comes to what they eat. This is why it’s important to be aware of your partner’s excessive use of crude jokes about homosexual couples and the gay community. The persistent presence of gay people forces your partner, who may be attempting to repress his sexuality and his ongoing need for affection from others of the same gender, to face his inner turmoil. Thus, extreme avoidance and frustration5. Frequent Unplanned Visits to Gay Clubs
Although your man might claim that his frequent visits to gay clubs are a way of showcasing support towards the LGBTQ+ community, the frequency of these visits and the duration are factors that decide whether these can be suggestive of a red flag. If these visits are routine and stretch up to umpteen hours, then this is one of the most evident signs that your husband is gay.
4. Extreme Defensiveness about His Social Circle
As the old saying goes “Birds of a feather flock together”, it might be possible your husband is gay if he has a lot of queer friends in his vicinity. That is because your gay husband might be feeling safe and at home with people with similar worldviews and needs. He may be able to connect to people with similar physiological needs at a subconscious level and thus feel valued in their presence. As a straight woman, you may see his social circle as somewhat strange and you may find your husband being defensive about his friends if you question his choice to hang out with them more often than you like. He may also go so far as to hide his friends from you or keep you at arm’s distance when you inquire about meeting his friends.
5. Extending Beyond Bromance and Nudging Towards Romance
Indeed, men try hard to win the race among like-minded fellas and establish themselves as a master of multiple trades. But when their actions go out of the way, it can indicate deviating sexual preference. For example, if a man cooks for his male colleagues when he has invited them to his place may be just out of an act of courteousness, but if he serves them food, offers help without people asking for it, is proactive around other males, and does things like preparing their favorite drink and makes constant attempts to win the attention of men around him, this can be an alarming sign. Moreover, he may be least hesitant to tap a man on his shoulders or constantly keep looking for reasons and ways to physically touch a man through a simple handshake or holding onto a friendly hug for more than a few seconds.
6. Evidence of Queer Sites or Absence of Internet Search History
As self-explanatory as it may seem, one of the most warning signs your husband is gay is the presence of a gay porn site on his laptop or the presence of a gay dating app on his cellphone. Another evidence your man is hiding something from you is the absence of his internet search history. He is probably doing it because he does not want you to be aware of something and wants to continue to indulge in the dopamine rush without having to spill too much about his inner world.
7. Excitement in the Presence of Masculine Men And Celebrities
For straight men, it is usual to feel their hearts skip a beat every time the soft touch of a woman’s hand accidentally brushes past theirs; you may also notice them stealthily watching models in magazines and women around. But for gay men, the presence of women will not create any kind of physical attraction or the excitement that follows. Instead, if your husband is gay, you may find him locking eyes with attractive men in public places, checking out male or queer celebrities, or even getting excited at the prospect of hanging out with attractive male friends or colleagues, especially those who are possibly homosexuals themselves.
8. Being Conscious of His Appearance Around Men
Many women may view men getting conscious of their appearance as a form of self-love, but if you notice your partner being overtly conscious about how he looks when he is around his male colleagues or male friends, then, this can be an indicator that your husband is gay and wants to attract positive attention and notice your husband if he is watchful about the crease in his shirt and constantly examines his styled pompadour when he is around his guy friends, while being more carefree and casual in the company of women.
Coming out as gay for your spouse is as difficult as it is for you to accept his sexuality. Here are a few ways by which you can deal with this problem and arrive at a common ground.